And You'll Never Take That Away

You can think I'm crazy. Laugh in my face. Say I don't even know her well enough. But in the end your opinion doesn't even matter and won't change a thing.
What I know is enough to say that I love her, and will spend every second of every day with her, down to the last breath I take. I will marry her. We will raise a family and live happily. We have so many plans for our future and we'll make every one of them happen.
I don't care what you think. You don't have to have faith in us, we'll make it through regardless. That girl means the absolute world to me. Nothing's going to change this. This is reality. This is no puppy love. This is a feeling that will last forever and this is how it's going to be. Take it or leave it.

I'd.never.want.to.see.you.unhappy.

Gosh, I have never felt this way before. Ever. It makes me wonder what I had with others in the past.
She's absolutely amazing! And she's gorgeous! Great personality. She's just perfect in my eyes! I haven't been this happy in a long time. She's constantly on my mind. She's always with me, all the time.
I can't wait til the day we can be together. I'm going to make this happen. I promise! I've lost hope before, I've let down dreams... but this is different. This is something I won't give up on. I won't let this one go. There is hope here. This is a dream that will come true. I guarantee it. And for those of you that think otherwise.... watch me prove you wrong!
Nothing can come between this. Nothing can stop this now...

She's my everything. I'd be lost without her.
She's all I've ever wanted. <3

Here, take all my money!
Take all I've ever earned!
Here, take my loved one too
It all means nothing to you!
Take everything
Everything that meant something to me!
What's it to you?
You don't care anyways
Don't care how I feel
Don't care what I go through
Don't care if I need it all
You want it?
You can have it
Why should I keep it
I'm conceited
Remember?
Look in the mirror
I'm not the conceited one after all
What you want is what you get
I'm a fool for giving in
What decisions do you have to make?
It's all laid out for you
Lean on me
You lean too far
Depend on me
You take advantage of it
Use me
Guilting is your signature move
Abuse me
Fuck you do it all anyways
It's all the same!
What am I to you....
Because you certainly have me fooled
Blind
What am I anymore?

...Imperfection...

Same day
Same time
They talk together
They walk together
They think together
They listen together
Inseparable.

She spots a guy
He spots a girl
Similar feeling
Different sexes
It's all the same
Same thoughts
Same minds
Identical.

They live together
They'll die together
They couldn't survive
Without one another
They share it all.

Only one problem.....
She is me
and so is he.

October 22, 2oo8
2:15am

Your World. Your Rules.

The only difference between night and day is the lighting and the time. Two things you can't change. But you can turn the darkness to light with the flick of a switch. And you can use the time however you wish.

What's the difference between today and tomorrow? Today is the past and present and tomorrow is your future. The past and present reflect the days still to come. You can learn from the past, act on the present and better your future.

You can't change what's already happened so consider it a lesson to learn from. Let it help you create all you've ever dreamed of. You can't go wrong. Your life's not over for awhile yet and the days will just keep coming. So why give up?

You have plenty of time to keep making mistakes and trying it all over again.
Make it. Break it. Change it. Rebuild. Repeat. Succeed. Live it. Enjoy. Do it all over again.

You have nothing to lose. Make the best of it all. Never give up and live it to the fullest.

Time is just numbers. Use it to your advantage.
Everything happens for a reason.

October 22, 2008
2:30am

"New Beginning"

I decided to bring back something I wrote awhile back. It fits my life right now and I love the way it's written. So, I'm bringing it back!

Eyes wide open. Looking at the world in a whole new way. A clear future that was once clouded over. A past that couldn't be forgotten, now faded. A whole new life. A whole new world. Walls knocked down, one after another. Allowing this soul to shine through. Colour the world with such a vivid identity. Hiding the darkness that turned the whole world black. Weightless. Full of life. Soaring through the days without a hassle. No longer hitting rock bottom, day after day. Things come and things go. But the days move on. No road blocks. No stop signs. Nothing can stop this now.
Eyes wide open. Looking at the world in a whole new way. Everything changes, but it all stays the same. The same person, but a new view of life. Windows to see the future. Doors to take action. Walking through to meet each obstacle face to face. The impossible, easily done. Can't be taken down. Nothing to fear. Standing tall. Looking down at a previous life, now just to learn from. It's all over now. This is the beginning of a happy ending.

- Courtney

Fresh Start

It's been so incredibly long since I've written anything in here. So much has changed in the meantime.
I've been recently inspired to start fresh; get my life back on track.
I've also decided to start blogging again. I changed my template first before anything; to something more cheerful, something brighter.
When I finally found my blog again, I noticed it was so... dark. So negative. It was so ..... like my old self.
So with a new me, I decided on a new blog altogether. So let's lighten things up. :)

I've had so many "fresh starts" in my life, but were they really even new beginnings? Or were they just me trying to trick myself into thinking things would change? Looking back, I don't think there really was any starting within those "fresh starts". If anything, they were just continuations of the past. You can only change things when you're ready and willing. I've been on a good path so far. So much has changed. I do feel like a different person. I have some rocky moments that drift into the past self, but there's always going to be back-falls. So I'm thinking... so far, so good. :)

I can't believe, reading back to previous posts, how far down I was. It's been a little over a year and it's certainly a big change. I've grown up! lol ... I'm serious! I feel like I'm reading posts from a different person, but at the same time, I remember those days. I'm just thankful it's not like that anymore. I have people to thank for that too. I don't think I could have done it alone.

So, I've been making goals. Making plans to follow through to achieve these goals. And I believe I may just succeed this time. It's good to see. It's nice to feel. It's great to be ... me!
I'm surprised how naturally that came out. And how shocked I was to be saying that. lol - But it does feel good. And I do feel more like myself; more alive.

Oh how excited it is to be getting back on track and being successful.

Speaking of success. That brings me to something ...
You see people that have 'gone far' in life, being lawyers or doctors or all that... and they've gone through so much schooling and are bringing in a lot of money... they have a family and everything. People look at them and think "wow, they're successful" and they envy them. But I hate it. I do.
I don't believe in having to have a ton of schooling and have a high paying job like that, to be successful. The way I see it, is if you've done something, and you feel good about it. You've succeeded. If you've made goals - no matter how simple or how complex, and you've reached them... You've succeeded. Give yourself a pat on the back and keep doing what you're doing. You're no less than these people that have these so called 'great jobs'. You're just as successful as they are. They had a goal, they wanted to become what they are now, and they've done so. And they've succeeded. So it applies the same way with anyone. No matter what it is.

I may be a drop out. I may not have a lot going on in my life right now. But I have succeeded and have more to succeed in. I can be successful too. And I have been. And I will be again. You watch me.