Starting Back Up...

I haven't written anything in here in awhile so I thought I'd add some things in.

Things are kinda good, kinda bad. Im not exactly sure. I've remained content for quite awhile, with downfalls here and there. I'm definately not as bad as I used to be. But I'm either extremely happy, or really down. Never really anything in between. One or the other. Thing is, I'm really lost when it comes to feeling down. I never understand why.
With my higher dosage of antidepressants now, I can really tell a difference with my moods. My life overall just feels different. Although recently I've had some downfalls and I can't seem to understand. I've also been really happy lately though. Mainly because my birthday's this Friday and Im so excited for everything going on. I cant wait to see Eric, thats a given. But Im wondering if that's the only thing keeping me uppity lately. I'm wondering if after my birthday, I'll just fall right back down again. I'm not too sure. Somethings been getting to me, but I'm not sure what. I guess only time will tell?

I must admit, I'm quite proud of myself. Never thought I'd really hear myself say that, but I am. I truly am. I quit drugs. Yes, I did have a backslide the first time. Went 21 days and then fucked up. But I accepted the consequences, started over; went back to day one. Now, today, I'm proud to say that I'm at day 33. It's no problem now. I've done it. I don't want it. I gave it up completely. I can't see myself going back to it either. I've made it through. And the great thing is, my brother and his friend doubted me. They didn't think I could do it. But I proved them wrong and am still continuing. It feels great. I'm really glad I quit. It changed me. Such a simple thing. Okay, maybe it wasnt so simple. But it got easier as days passed. But one thing, like quitting drugs, made a change. And I think that just proved to me, that I can do anything I put my mind to. I wanted to quit, told myself I probably couldnt do it. But once I had enough, I decided to quit and count my days. Still kinda doubted myself. So ofcourse, I had a backslide. But that second time around, I told myself I'd do it. And sure enough, I did. Day 33 and still going. Im proud of myself. ^_^

Not exactly much more to say here. Well actually, I've said a lot more than I thought I would to begin with.
I'd like to add that I'm really glad I met Pierre. He's such a good friend. If it wasn't for him and Sammy, I honestly don't know where I'd be. Pierre helps to a great extent, even if he's not really doing all that much. Sammy; she's always been there. I love having her as a friend as well. The three of us altogether....we're linked. We stick together. Always! I love them to death! I may have just met Pierre not long ago, but I feel quite close to him already. I have a lot of trust in him. He's amazing!
I'm thankful for both Pierre and Sammy. <3>

|[ New Beginning ]|

Eyes wide open. Looking at the world in a whole new way. A clear future that was once clouded over. A past that couldnt be forgotten, now faded. A whole new life. A whole new world. Walls knocked down, one after another. Allowing this soul to shine through. Colour the world with such a vivid identity. Hiding the darkness that turned the whole world black. Weightless. Full of life. Soaring through the days without a hassle. No longer hitting rock bottom, day after day. Things come and things go. But the days move on. No road blocks. No stop signs. Nothing can stop this now.
Eyes wide open. Looking at the world in a whole new way. Everything changes, but it all stays the same. The same person, but a new view of life. Windows to see the future. Doors to take action. Walking through to meet each obstacle face to face. The impossible, easily done. Can't be taken down. Nothing to fear. Standing tall. Looking down at a previous life, now just to learn from. It's all over now. This is the beginning of a happy ending.