Gotta Love Life....not

Im so sick of the daily headaches, the dizzy spells, and the stomach pains.
Im more sick of them throwing excuses at me. I've had daily headaches for over 3 years now and they just get worse. Ive gone through like 8 different pills for them (not an exaggeration). I go back to the doctors and what do they do? ... "here, we'll try these" ... and perscribe me another pill. They dont fricken work!!! Nothing does! And if they do, I have relief for an hour, then its back again! Im not gonna keep poppin pills for the rest of my life, just for an hour relief here and there. Fricken hospitalize me and figure out wtf is causing it! ... Then he says that my dizzy spells are just an imbalance in my organs or some shit and it has to run its course. wtf? ... So I gotta put up with dizzy spells and losing balance and almost collapsing until its done "running its course" ?! ... you're kidding me.... its fuckin bull!

And on top of that I have this fucking depression that wont let me live my life. Its not easy. I don't ask to feel this say. Its hard to go to school, concentrate and juggle everything else in this messed up life. And all I'm ever told is "You can do this, you can do that, you're just being negative, you just have to want it..." etc .... Fuck man. I don't ask to feel this way. It just comes to me and it's not easy to turn around. I do NOT want to feel this way, live like this, deal with this!

.....I'm done.

Trapped ::: Thoughts

The only thing that would make me the happiest,
happens to be something I cannot have.
And for some reason,
that really doesn't surprise me.
Don't get me wrong,
he makes me happy; very happy.
But this would make me happier.
It's not the fact of what it is,
it's the fact it's shared with him;
Something we created together;
Something we can call ours...
Forever.

Tell me something though,
Why do you listen to it?
Why don't you give feedback?
Why do you put up with it?
What is this doing to you?!

You'll never know how it feels to be me,
and how often I beat myself up,
for everything I put you through,
because of this...

I don't like what I put you through.
You don't deserve this.
So yell at me!
Scream at me!
Tell me what it's doing to you.
Maybe it'll shake some sense into me.
But for some reason,
I highly doubt it.

.....trapped.