New Year. New Life.

New Years tomorrow.
So much shit to do.
But once the party's started...
There's not a care in the fuckin world!
I don't care anymore!
FUCK IT ALL!

When Souls Meet .:. Comfort Within

I had an absolutely amazing night.
But I felt something today I haven't felt almost ever before.
It's puzzling. But I'm not gonna let it get to me too much.
But it's slightly scaring me. And I don't know why.
There's another thing slightly scaring me, but I won't mention.
I'm sure it's not the case. But only time will tell.
Other than that, I wouldn't have traded this night in for anything.
I loved it. Every bit of it.
I'll treasure it. That's for sure. <3

Out It Pours...

- I'm tired of hiding my sexuality
- I can't handle not being accepted
- I hate hearing the things they say about me
- I'm tired of all the yelling that goes on
- I hate always causing so much hassle in my house
- I regret dropping out of school
- I'm tired of people always after me about school
- I miss my friends
- I feel like a failure
- I almost regret not going to Klare's party
- I wish I had more to do with my life
- I'm tired of doing so much for everyone and getting it thrown right back in my face
- I wish I was more appreciated
- I'm tired of being thrown around and called things
- I wish I was more understood
- I'm tired of them thinking it's all for show; just want attention. Cuz that's not the case!
- I wish people were there for me
- I hate how I can't push things aside dealing with him
- I wish I didn't let things bother me when it comes to him and others
- I need to know if Emily existed or not
- I wish people would listen
- I'm confused about Eric
- I wish my family wasn't torn apart
- I hate being so distant from him
- I want my headaches/dizziness to go away
- I wish people respected me more
- I feel so hurt and torn apart inside but don't know why
- I wish things weren't returning to how they were before


I know there's more but that's all I can get right now. I'll add more here and there.

This Is Life

So, it's been awhile.............. Things are good. =)
Well, it's all not true. There is nothing between them. All those posts from before are pointless. Although it's what I felt at the time. But there is nothing between them at all. It was all lies.

Well, things are going really well. Last night was pretty fun. Slept at Kerri's. Shane was there for a bit. Was nice to spend time, all three of us together. We drank. We smoked. We had a good time. (Well, Shane didnt drink) But once he left, Kerri and I kept going and going. We were drunk and fried outta our minds. Bad combo. It was real fun though. But I kept passing out here and there. I haven't been that fucked up in my life! I ended up waking up at 7am, feeling sooo sick. Yup, between then and 9am, I threw up twice. Oops, looks like someone had a bit too much. lol Finally got back to sleep around 11. Was fine after that. =)
Throughout today, I also sliced my finger open, quite deep. And I swallowed a quarter. Yup. Interesting ain't it? The things I do... geez. It was an accident by the way. I wouldn't purposely swallow a quarter. Okay, maybe I would. But that's not the point. This was an accident. lol Scared the crap outta me though and it still kinda hurts. But atleast it's not lodged in my throat and have to go to the hospital. Cuz that would just top it all off. lol

I babysat today. Paige came with me. It was quite fun. Although Taylor had some jealousy issues cuz she wasn't getting as much attention as usual. Gah. Oh well. But we finally walked up town and dropped the letter off to Santa. Well, Paige's and Taylor's letters. It was a cold walk. I made sure they were all bundled though. In fact, Taylor was the only one without gloves/mittens. So I offered her mine. She wouldn't take them. I forced her to though. lol That's me, sacrificing for others. =P I didn't mind. I had her wear mine and I just tucked my hands in my sleeves. I'd rather the kids be all warm. I went without. And it felt good to do that. She needed it more than me. She's just a little one. I'd rather see me go without than have her freeze. I love doing things like that. The littlest things that make such a difference. And you know they appreciate it.

I'm a good person. I can admit that. I never thought it. But I've come to realize, I am. And that's what I live for. I was talking to someone about that the other day. I live for others. I help out wherever possible. I sacrifice things for others. I do anything now a days. As long as I make a difference. Even the slightest thing. Like Taylor being warmer. I don't live for me and my life. I live for everything around me. The people. The nature. My closest friends. Everyone and Everything. That's why I'm here. It's making a difference in me and the world I'm surrounded by. In the end, there's nothing wrong with it. Any of it. Is there really negative to this? I feel great. I've felt content for quite a few days in a row now. And I'm making a difference.

That probably made no sense. But it's hard to word. lol

I love my friends. I'd be lost without them. They mean soooo much to me. I'd do anything for them. Absolutely anything! I Love You'z!!! You all know who you are! <3333

I love life and everything with it. The good and the bad. Things wouldn't be the same if there wasn't bad with it. You gotta learn somehow. And if a mistake is what it takes, so be it. Learn from it and move on. Why sit there and regret it. Tearing yourself apart from it. It's not worth it. Learn. Learn from it all. Look beyond what's there. It almost makes things easier. This is me. This is my life. I couldn't be happier.

-- .ѕомεтίмεѕ ίтѕ тнε ѕмаłłεѕт đεсίѕίοиѕ тнат саи снаиgε γоυя łίfε fояενεя. --