I haven't written anything in here in awhile so I thought I'd add some things in.
Things are kinda good, kinda bad. Im not exactly sure. I've remained content for quite awhile, with downfalls here and there. I'm definately not as bad as I used to be. But I'm either extremely happy, or really down. Never really anything in between. One or the other. Thing is, I'm really lost when it comes to feeling down. I never understand why.
With my higher dosage of antidepressants now, I can really tell a difference with my moods. My life overall just feels different. Although recently I've had some downfalls and I can't seem to understand. I've also been really happy lately though. Mainly because my birthday's this Friday and Im so excited for everything going on. I cant wait to see Eric, thats a given. But Im wondering if that's the only thing keeping me uppity lately. I'm wondering if after my birthday, I'll just fall right back down again. I'm not too sure. Somethings been getting to me, but I'm not sure what. I guess only time will tell?
I must admit, I'm quite proud of myself. Never thought I'd really hear myself say that, but I am. I truly am. I quit drugs. Yes, I did have a backslide the first time. Went 21 days and then fucked up. But I accepted the consequences, started over; went back to day one. Now, today, I'm proud to say that I'm at day 33. It's no problem now. I've done it. I don't want it. I gave it up completely. I can't see myself going back to it either. I've made it through. And the great thing is, my brother and his friend doubted me. They didn't think I could do it. But I proved them wrong and am still continuing. It feels great. I'm really glad I quit. It changed me. Such a simple thing. Okay, maybe it wasnt so simple. But it got easier as days passed. But one thing, like quitting drugs, made a change. And I think that just proved to me, that I can do anything I put my mind to. I wanted to quit, told myself I probably couldnt do it. But once I had enough, I decided to quit and count my days. Still kinda doubted myself. So ofcourse, I had a backslide. But that second time around, I told myself I'd do it. And sure enough, I did. Day 33 and still going. Im proud of myself. ^_^
Not exactly much more to say here. Well actually, I've said a lot more than I thought I would to begin with.
I'd like to add that I'm really glad I met Pierre. He's such a good friend. If it wasn't for him and Sammy, I honestly don't know where I'd be. Pierre helps to a great extent, even if he's not really doing all that much. Sammy; she's always been there. I love having her as a friend as well. The three of us altogether....we're linked. We stick together. Always! I love them to death! I may have just met Pierre not long ago, but I feel quite close to him already. I have a lot of trust in him. He's amazing!
I'm thankful for both Pierre and Sammy. <3>
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Dear .x.Tortured Soul.x,
I would like to say a few things.,., if it's alright.. If not, you may delete this post. One being you know what, I admire you. The first reason is because sure, you may see your days as gloomy or whatever, but you don't show it. Although it's not the BEST thing to do. It's not that you try to hide it, it just doesn't come out. Maybe I haven't known you long enough but I seriously can't see hide anything. With Nicole, you knew she was troubled and had issues. She kept it all in, and didn't open up at all. Look what happened to us. We broke up because she didn't tell me things that I should have known and it broke us up. Sure, I can not break up with you as a "friend", but still. I'm really proud. The whole "no drugs" thing; wowsers! I know how that is. Well, not from personal experience but my ex gf (not Nicole), had a struggle with drugs. You've made it a month without going back to drugs, if that doesn't mean something to you then what will? Anyways, I guess what I'm saying is, I'm glad that I met you and I thank Anna for this. Although yes, we're not "dating" and we're not in a relationship status or anything, I think I've grown fond of you. In which ways, I'm not to sure of, but yes, you definitely got yourself in my heart. Maybe it's because you've opened up to me where as not many other people seemed to want to do that. So I hope you have a splendid day and that you accomplish anything you wish and dream!
Cheers,
[DJ GoldFish, afallenhope, Pierre]
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