Down We Go

Well, I told myself I'd start back up again and keep this updated. So I guess I'll stick to it.

My birthday .... it was, decent. Although I did exactly what I told myself I wouldnt. Lots of regrets from that night. But its alright I guess. I'll learn from it - I hope. I definately wont forget my 18th birthday because of it.
I dont really even remember that much. But sadly enough, I wish I didnt remember any of it. :(

Ive been so incredibly down the past few days. I hate it. My mom, bro and Randy all noticed I even look different. So now its physically effecting me. Gah!
Last night, sitting at the computer, I cried - had to leave the room. Last night, messaging Eric -I cried. Last night, when I went to bed, the moment I layed down - I cried. I cried so much at that moment, I completely passed out. I dont even remember falling asleep. I just know it was around 6am. This morning, when my mom called to wake me up around 4pm - I cried. When I got outta the shower today - I cried.
What the fuck is wrong with me?! I hate this. If all this is just because I missed two of my pills ... this is fucked up! I havent been eating much at all. I have a hell of a time sleeping. I cant let go of everything that went on this weekend. I cant get it through my head that its perfectly fine and I didnt ruin anyones time.

*sigh* Im gonna stop here. I might add more later. It took a lot just to get me to write anything in the first place. I just, havent wanted to. I cant really even talk to anyone. I just wanna be left alone I guess. But at the same time, I dont want anyone to leave me at all.


C'est la fuckin vie!