Wow....

I'm supposed to be heading to bed right now, so I'm just gonna quickly ramble some things.

Not too much to say today, buuut that's because things are going fairly well.
Tonight had it's ups and downs, but in the end, I'm pretty ecstatic. Earlier was pretty messed up, but ofcourse, my Pierre helped turn that around. Infact, the moment I heard him on the phone, it was like nothing even happened. Everything seemed great. I was happy. He has quite the impact on me. I love it. It feels great. Im really glad I have him. I wouldnt trade him in for anything. It almost seems .... weird in a way, like everything happened so fast. Its not so much a bad thing. Not saying we rushed into things too quickly. Its just, Ive grown so attached to him so fast. And the effect he has on me too. Like, a lot of the things, happened quickly. Again, tis not a bad thing. Its not like I want to change things. I like how things are at the moment. I dont want it changed. Maybe Im just rambling. But something seems that way. Maybe its the fact that I just let go of Eric and I had Pierre instantly and well, now Im just finally able to accept the fact Erics gone and Im already falling for Pierre?! .... gah, that could be it. Im not complaining ofcourse. Tis just, a bit .... I wanna say overwhelming, but not so much cuz it makes it seem kinda bad. Its not bad, its perfectly fine. Except for the fact it kinda scares me. I have my reasons. Things I fear, which causes me to hold back and not allow it to happen. Which is bad, but well, I cant really help it.

Here I go, typing a novel again. Sheesh. And I said I had to go to bed. Well, only took me four minutes to type all that. lol So I guess it's not that bad.

Hey that brings me to another thing! I've noticed that eversince Pierre came along, I've been able to get my thoughts into place easier. Im not so confused all the time. I can actually just type away and not have to stop for awhile to figure out whats going on in this head of mine. Everything just kinda ... pours out. It just falls into place. Im not confused or lost. Im more open now - to an extent. Maybe cuz Im not hiding everything? I can like .... wow, I can be free. I dont feel so, held back now.

Honestly it feels like I actually have room to breathe now, with Eric gone. I never really realized all I went through til the thing that caused it all, is gone. Now so much has changed and it hasnt been long since I got rid of him. Makes me realize how much he fucked me up. Was a tough decision that I didnt really want to happen, but Im honestly glad I did so. As much as I hate to say it, but its true. Im much happier now. Surprisingly I can admit that. I could never admit happiness. But thats probably because ... this is true happiness? I feel great. Things are really coming together. Life for once seems .... clear. I honestly never thought Id see this. Never thought Id feel this. Never thought Id face these days. But the littlest things make such a difference. I love it. I love ... life?! Wow. Im really beginning to shock myself now. lol Pierre's like a damn drug! Bringing him in my life, has changed things. Drugs do that. But this a good drug. And it's okay to be addicted to this one! hehe
The world is changed now. I see everything in a positive way - for the most part. Im happier. I can say the things I couldnt before, and honestly mean it. I can actually see a future for once. The worlds finally coloured now. Its not so dark anymore.

That reminds me of a previous post, from March 18th, that I wrote. Titled " |[New Beginning]| " ... thats like, exactly how things are now. When I wrote that, it was kinda true, for that moment. But it left quickly. But now, I can honestly say that thats how I truly feel. Thats how things actually are now.

Life is good for once. I couldnt be happier.