Pretty In Pain

I'm all over the place. I don't know what I think or feel right now and why. Everything's so scattered! I feel lost or something. I feel really really down right now. But nobodys there to talk to. So Im writing. Whether this makes sense or not, it doesn't matter. I need to do something!

You know what it feels like. It feels like I lost someone. Almost like someone close to me has died or something. But nobody has. I don't know. Something hurts. Like a lot!! I don't know why or what's causing it though. I feel helpless. I feel like a failure. I'm beatin myself up over not opening up to Eric today though. I should've. But I didnt and there's nothing I can do about it now. I'd email him and explain what's going on, but I think it'd be best to actually talk to him. Things need to be said and something needs to be done. I can't keep going on like this. And it's my fault I'm like this now. It's not really his fault I feel this way. And I keep fucking things up over it! I wish I could talk to him more. Things wouldn't be so bad. It's not his fault though. He has a life too. He has things to do. Won't be till like next week we actually get to talk though. We really need to talk. But I'm so scared I'll lose him even more. I'm scared he's gonna run. That's all I'd need right now.... I'd literally lose myself. I'd be long gone. There'd be no more of me. That'd be it.

I had more to say to this. But I completely just lost all thought. More than likely hiding again. To the point I cant think or feel anything. I hide so far in myself. All I can do is stare. I cant think straight. There are no thoughts. I cant feel anything. Nothing. Which is good, but bad. So this will be all for now.