From Heaven To Hell

Well I had an interesting night. Kerri came over and spent the night with me. We had an awesome time!! Although we mainly did a lot of talking and catching up with each other. It felt really good to be able to talk to someone!! Have them listen and understand. I really missed her dammit! lol ... We'll be keeping in touch much more often though. So it'll be all good. =) We coulda had a good time without gettin fucked outta our minds. =| ... but it felt good to leave things behind for the time being. hehe - I admit, I was pretty down last night, but I tried to hide it and enjoy the moment. I didn't wanna ruin our time together and bring Ker down with me. So in the end it was alright. I had a hell of a time sleeping last night though! I had the weirdest dream and it wasnt too pleasant. I kept waking up like every 15 minutes! Drove me nuts. I hated it. I was also texting a bunch of people last night when I was in bed, I didnt even realize til this morning when I was going through my texts. It was kinda funny though. I don't even remember texting these things. =| But it was a pretty good night overall. I've been in better moods the past few days. Not as bad as usual. I'm starting to push things aside, which isnt the best, but it works for now. =)

Today's Sammy's birthday!!! YAY!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMY!! I'm so excited for Friday! Can't wait to hang out. Imma try my best not to be so shy. hehe - It'll all be good though!

Well, I've decided to give up. I've decided it's not really worth being so down over all this shit lately. I'm not contacting him for awhile. I'll see how things go and go from there. I'm tired of chasing him all the time, being so hurt and feeling horrible. I don't deserve this shit. Whether it's true or not...I'm stayin away for awhile. We'll see what happens. But it hurts so bad! I don't know what's going on, so all I can do is wait to see what goes on and see what happens. Hopefully get some answers sometime. I don't understand why I'm being put through all this. What the hell did I do?! I've already been put through it once, and I got thrown to the curb in the end. Now I'm being put through it all again, and all I can do is sit here clueless, suffering in pain from all this shit. Whatever, I can't do anything about it. Just sit and wait. So here I am, sitting and waiting for some answers. Seeing if he even comes around. If I even matter really. We will see in the end. As of now..... FUCK YOU!!! .... and Im not meaning that towards him either, Im meaning it towards his fuckin 'girlfriend'! I don't even know what to think or feel towards him. So whatever!