Everything's been so fucked up recently and I absolutely hate it. I shoulda known that things couldnt hold together forever. But for some reason, ever since I got Pierre, I never thought that'd happen. I never saw things falling apart. At all. With anything. But it's my fault anything happened in the first place. Soooo, I guess I gotta deal with it. Also, that's what I get for not sleeping much when I have to babysit, and not taking my pills. Gah. I try not to regret anything, but it seems that's all I've done recently.
I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. To certain people atleast. I don't know how many times it's gonna take for me to learn from this. It's happened toooo many times. You'd think I woulda learned by now! But ofcourse not, Courty's always gotta learn the hard way. And this time, she's learning the hard way several times in a row. With the same situation! Ugh. Im so fuckin stupid.
I used to say that they've caused me so much fuckin pain, but now I'm beginning to think... no, its not them, its me. Im causing this. Im doing this to myself. Ugh. I got a lot of shit to fix. Ha, I've been saying that for the past like 3-4 years now! Baaaaah.
Kinda feels weird to blog during the day. But you know what, it helps. And since when did time of day matter?! .... Oh wait, maybe cuz Im used to blogging at night, when the days over! Buuut, I havent been blogging as often and things just kinda .... build up. Sooo, I figured Id do it now, so I can continue on with my day. Baaaah. Fuckin sheeps.
Annnnd, now Im hallucinating. Fantastic. I really need sleep. I was thinking of doing so after all my babysitting, but I cant seem to leave my Pierre. And, if I go lay down and get some sleep now, I wont be in bed earlier tonight. Gah. My head hurts. Like a lot. Yay rambles!
I don't want to feel this way. Any of this. I want my happiness back. And there's no one to blame but myself for taking that away. But, things will come together again. Just uhm, need to wait. Wont change in a heartbeat, thats for sure. Sooo, only time will tell.
Now, Im gonna stop rambling. Im really beginning to wonder how I always have so much to say! I email Pierre novels everyday! Then I always have so much to say in here! Gah, I never stop!! I never used to be able to do this. Well, then again, I mentioned in another blog, about how eversince I got rid of Eric, my thoughts are able to come together easier. Sooo, that could be it.
Awh, I want my Trin! *ha, sorry... random, but I heard a little meow from behind me* So I think Im gonna finish this off here. Go grab my Trin, and hope my Pierre says something. *frown*
I miss my Pierre!
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2 comments:
Hey beautiful,
yes, it's gonna be hard, but you know what.... I love you, and you have your family that loves you and you have your friends that love you... mostly Sammy. All different types of love but still love. You haven't changed, it's just what happens when you have 2 hours of sleep. I used to be like that when I lived in my dorm.
The thing you do is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeep sleeep until you can't anymore. I'lll talk to you on the phone... at 8 until you fall asleep. and when you wake up in the morning I'll be there. I'm there for you every minute every hour of every day babe. No there physically but there emotionally and spiritually.
Now,, gooooooo to bed.. I'll study when you're out and then from there we'll meet in our dreams. Love you.
Forever my arms you shall remain ;)
Pierre, GoldFish
Hey lady day,
Things may seem rough but when you have something or someone that can bring happy'ness back . as if it was just fixing a burn light. it will become back so go find ur new lights haha [ hahah that soo stuipd] but possibly may make sense in the long run.
so miss day.. Take care...and gett urr happyness backk.
have a good one .. and becareful of those devil babies hehe !
tata <3
Sammy
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