Forget All The Things I Should've Said

I don't know what the fuck to do anymore. I'm at the end of the rope. I can't take this anymore! I don't fuckin deserve this! ... or do I!? I'm tired of being clueless. I'm tired of the arguments. I'm tired of feeling so much pain, on a daily basis. I'm tired of feeling like you don't care. I'm tired of the thoughts of you two together. I'm tired of trying to fight for you to just notice me. I'm tired of trying to get you to just, talk to me. I'm tired of trying to fight the others, defending you. I want to feel like I can comfortably talk to you. I don't want to be scared of you. I don't want to be scared to open up. I don't want to leave you alone. I hate feeling so distant from you. I hate feeling like you don't care. I hate feeling like you don't have time for me. If you loved me enough, you'd find a way to contact me. I'd feel like you truly loved and cared for me like you say you do. I wouldn't feel so much pain. I wouldn't be constantly wondering about things between us. I wish I knew what happened. I miss how things used to be. You used to email me all the time, just to say you loved me, hope I have a good day, just to check in. You used to call me almost every night. Even if it was pointless, useless conversations, it didn't matter. We were happy to just hear each other speak. I felt so wanted, loved, cared for and...special. You used to treat me so well. I actually felt so loved and cared about then. You made me feel so good. I felt so close to you. I could tell you anything. You listened, you were there for me. Now, I feel like I'm chasing after you. I shouldn't have to do that! I try to contact you, but get nothing in return. When we do talk, it's arguments. We practically can't talk anymore. It seems we can't have decent conversations anymore. We're so distant. I hate it. It's tearing me apart. We're falling apart!
I understand you work a lot. I understand you take any shift possible so you can have money for college. I understand all of that. But when I was scared we'd lose contact when you first got the job, you reassured me you'd have weekends off to spend with me. I haven't seen you since you started working. Or maybe it just doesn't matter anymore. You work too much. I'm outta the picture. But I guess it doesn't matter. You have the one you need, right by your side. You don't need me. She lives there. I'm out of your way. You don't need me anymore....


Mood: Depressed/Shattered
Song(s): Roadside by Rise Against -//- Epiphany by Staind