Four in the fricken morning and I can't sleep. I went to sleep around twelve. Was upset and didn't have any other choice. Randomly woke up around two-thirty. Went to the washroom, sat in the living room for like five minutes, then went to bed again. I couldn't sleep. I was lying there in and out of sleep from two-thirty until about three-thirty. Not sure if I'd call it sleeping though. It's where you're somewhat dreaming, eyes closed and everything but you can still hear and know what's going on around you. I began to think things I really shouldn't think in the first place. They began to scare me. The thoughts became a nightmare. I tried my hardest to try to get back to sleep. I did all I could, in fear of getting up and putting myself in danger. I finally decided to get up and go sit in the living room with my bro. Atleast then I was surrounded by someone, knowing I can't get away with anything stupid. I couldn't just lye there. The thoughts were too extreme. I watched tv for a bit and now, here I am. I really want to go to bed. I've only slept two hours, I shouldn't be up! But I'm so wide awake, I hate it. I don't want to go back to bed unless I know I can go right to sleep. I don't want to face those thoughts again. I can't stand lying there awake.
I really can't run from these thoughts, can I? Now they haunt me in my dreams. Will I ever be at peace? I just want this all to end .... =(
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