I had a pretty good day I suppose. Kerri and Shane took me out for dinner. =) That was quite nice. Even though things didn't go as planned, but it turned out alright!
Kerri slept over. I love having her around. I'm so glad we're hanging out more like we wanted. It's great.
I don't have much to say about today ... I'm so tired. I'm extremely out of it anyways, so I'm hoping I'll have more to say tomorrow or something.
Plus, all of tonight, I've been really 'not with it'. Like, thinking too much. Going too far into life. Thinking about things you don't really think about or even wonder about. Just everything in general. It's really odd.
One thing I really loved, was just laying back on my bed, stoned outta your mind. Just laying there staring up at the ceiling, thinking about life in general. Wondering about things you never have time to think about...etc. Stupid little things like, "I wonder how we got here". Odd things like that. (although I dont really think about that one :P)
I remember mentioning to Kerri today, about how Doctors are always telling us we shouldn't drink, smoke or do drugs. But I bet atleast half of them smoke, drink or even do drugs, quite often. I don't know why I mentioned it. Well I do but it's hard to word. It was real random though.
I've been thinking a lot lately, about the fact we are put on this earth, just live our lives. Doing all we do... then just die. Like what's the point of even doing all we do, if we're just gonna die. Like work our asses off, raise a family, pay rent, bills and all that other crap, go through schooling...etc. And we just die? .... It's really messed up. I don't get it. I don't see a point.. I dunno. Does that even make sense? =S I doubt it. But thats what I've been thinking about. It's hard to word, but I tried.
But yeah, I'm rambling. I'll end this. Heading to bed anyways.
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There's only reason i can see for us being here is to learn... not learn how to drive, or learn how to cook... but learn how to deal with things... learn who we are and not what others want us to be. Ask yourself, what matters in the end? That you have a job that makes a million a year? ... your going to die and that job's going to someone else... That you have a huge house? In 20 or so years that house will be torn down to make way for new homes (or a mini-mal) ... What i think that matters is how we treat others and ourselves. Did you hold the door for the little old lady? or did you push her outta the way cause she was going too slow for you? Ask yourself how you feel about doing something so simple as holding the door for her? How would she feel if you held the door? every day eveyeryone does a million things that affect the people around them. most don't have a clue. I didn't have a clue. Till i watched a fellow co worker drop everything and rush out front of pizza pizza just to open the door for a little old lady who was having trouble with the door... the elderly lady was so greatfull that it seemed like i could feel it... she had the hugest smile on her face =) that memory will stay with me till the end of my days, and possibly beyond. this body will dissapear, but my spirit, my essence, will live on. At least i have to believe that, cause i cant' handle the thought of oblivion at the end of my life. i wouldnt be able to continue if i believed that my death is the end... why wait for 80 years if all i'm doing is tortureing myself till then? why not end it now? so i have to believe there is something more. doesnt matter if it's the christian thought of heaven (heck, i'd even take hell... i know a few i could piss off there >) hehe), or buda's nirvana or whatever... but oblivion... that scares me... oblivion, total nothingness.... being out in the country on an overcast night in the woods with no lighter or flashlight... you couldnt see your hand even if it was touching your eyeball... but you wouldnt have a hand to touch anything with... or even a thought, cause your nothing. absloutely nothing... that scares me more than snakes, more than heights... more than my life meaning nothing to those around me.... *shudders and runs off to find his securety blankie and teddy bear*
*reads last post* sorry, didnt mean to write a novel :/
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